Through a dodgy mate that works at an undisclosed telecommunications company, we have been able to tap Laurie Daley's mobile phone. The following is a conversation he recently had with NRL referee's boss, Tony Archer.
Daley: Tony! Look, it's Laurie Daley here mate.
Daley: Yeah I was wondering if I could bend your ear for a minute or two about some real concerns I have ahead of Game two. Are you free?
Archer: Well...actually I was just on my way to...
Daley: Great! Yeah mate there were a couple of ugly incidents I wanted to talk with you about to ensure the Maroons weren't getting preferential treatment when it came to the officiating of the game. Just wanted to make sure Queensland hadn't gotten in first.
Archer: (sighs) Gee, there were a lot of big words in there Laurie.
Daley: Yeah, I know, right? I got my missus to write down some notes for me.
Archer: Makes sense. So let me get this straight, are you calling my referee's biased or corrupt Laurie?
Daley: No, no, no, no. No. Not at all. I'm just saying...
Archer: What are you saying Laurie?Daley: Ummm...Are you aware of the recent hoopla around FIFA?
Daley: I was wondering if there was any way I could...grease the cogs...as it were?
Daley: Is there any way I could guarantee any 50/50 calls, or even the 40/60 calls, went in our favour?
Archer: Not really Laurie.
Daley: So there's nothing you want? Don't need a new watch? Maybe a new car?
Archer: Are you offering me a bribe Laurie??
Daley: Yeah, I guess I am Tony.
Archer: (clearly irritated) Look Laurie, I didn't hear that mate.
Daley: Sorry, must be a bad connection. Bloody Vodafone. YES I AM OFFERING YOU A BRIBE TONY! HOW MUCH WOULD YOU LIKE?!
Archer: Wow. I do not accept your bribe Laurie. What else did you want to talk about? Or was that it?
Daley: Bugger. Well there goes that idea. Moving on then I guess.
Archer: Please do.
Daley: I wanted to discuss Queensland's tactics during the first game.
Archer: Yes? What about them?
Daley: Well, they were rough. Mean too. You can't let them get away with that. It's a national outrage!
Archer: Rugby League is a full contact sport Laurie. It's supposed to be a bit rough and I can't have referee's Gerard Sutton and Ben Cummins adjudicate against players being "mean". The whole game would turn into an 80 minute long soft core porn live show otherwise.
Daley: Yeah, right. Well what about Josh McGuire? He pulled Aaron Woods' hair! That's not fair.
Archer: I'm going to be frank with you here Laurie: I wanted to pull Aaron Woods' hair too. The bloke looks like early man with that hair cut. And later in the game I saw David Klemmer pull Thaiday's hair and stick his hand in Thaiday's mouth...which was weird. Really weird.
Daley: Yeah I spoke to Klemmer about that. I told him if he was going to hit a bloke, just hit him but don't finger bang his mouth instead.
Archer: Wise words Laurie.
Daley: And you need to watch Nate Myles' head.
Archer: It's hard to miss Laurie. What do you mean?
Daley: He uses it as a blunt instrument, leading with it in tackles. It's a travesty.
Archer: Have you met Nate, Laurie? The bloke has a massive noggin. I don't see how he couldn't lead with it in tackles. The bloke has a behemoth head. There's no getting around it. Literally.
Archer: Anything else Laurie?
Daley: Sure I can't entice you with that bribe?
Archer: Goodbye Laurie.
Tony Archer ends the phone call.