Cricket 3 years ago

How Shane Watson Gets Picked for Australia

  • How Shane Watson Gets Picked for Australia
*This is a work of satire: don't be so gullible*
For years people across this Great Brown Land have questioned how Shane Watson keeps getting himself picked for Australia's Test squad when he seems to be a One Day specialist at best. 
Here at The Stitch Up, we think we have uncovered the truth after stumbling across Watto's mobile phone in the change room at Sophia Gardens. 
Boof > Look Watto, I hate to say it mate but I think I've gotta drop you for the 2nd Test. 
Really Boof? Why? < Watto
Boof > Cause I don't need a crystal ball or tarot cards to see the future mate. Mirror mirror on the wall, how will Watto's wicket fall? LBW! That's how. It's like you have an extra leg or something. 
I really think you should reconsider your position here Boof < Watto
Boof > Can't do it mate. If it were just your predictable mode of dismissal I could let it slide. But you can barely roll the arm over any more! 2 innings, 13 overs and no wickets. That's right, just in case you missed it: zip. The Pom's wickets stood prouder than a virgin's dick at a strip club!
But I'm great in the field though Boof < Watto
Boof > Yeah that's right, I guess you have taken a couple of classic catches so far this match...wait...hang on! NO YOU HAVEN'T! It's like you're scenery out there mate. I've got to let you go sorry Watto.
Do I have to remind you of certain things Boof? < Watto
Boof > ....not those photos again mate...
That's right. I still have those photos of you Darren. So you think long and hard about < Watto
my position in the team unless you want those piccies getting released to 60 Minutes. 
I hear they're pretty good at causing a National outrage. Just ask Alex McKinnon and 
Cameron Smith.
Boof >  I was tired and drunk and was on medication at the time for an ulcer. It could have happened to anyone.  How long are you going to hold this over me mate?
As long as I have to, Boof. I've been tired and drunk and on medication before too but < Watto
I have never befouled the Captain's cricket bat like that and I have never desecrated Don Bradman's Test cap in such a manner. Now is my spot in danger? 
Boof > ...no
That's what I like to hear < Watto
Boof > You're an evil man Shane. This is extortion!
I like to think of it as blackmail < Watto
Boof > I don't know what you had on Mickey Arthur too. He was terrified of not picking you. I heard he wanted to pick you while you were in recovery for one of your infinite surgeries.  You're evil Shane. Pure evil. 
What ever makes you sleep better at night Boof. Now say my name < Watto
Boof > ....you're Shane Watson....
You're goddamn right! < Watto 
*DISCLAIMER - Views expressed here are that not of Fans Unite and are the expressed views of the author.


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