The following is a press release composed by the Manly Sea Eagles board.In anticipation of the 2016 season we have decided to let go our entire playing roster, except of course Daly Cherry-Evans. Due to the high esteem we have in Daly, we have also deemed it necessary to let go our coach, Geoff Toovey.
Now this may seem rash, strange, bizarre or even dumb to some people out there but we have put our heads together and concluded that we have faith in Daly's ability to cover all positions on the field...all at once. Not only that, but Daly will become the first player/coach since Wally Lewis in 1992. We expect him to be more successful than Wally too, because he won't have to overcome mammoth obstacles...like other people...
In fact, so supreme is our faith in Daly to skipper this train wreck of a club forth from the brink of self-destruction that we, the board, also wish to announce our immediate resignation. Daly will assume responsibility for all administrative roles within the club from this moment forth. He assures us that he will be able to reign in the salary cap because he has a calculator on his phone.
These cuts are unfortunate and have run so deep that we have even had to fire Gladys the lunch lady but rest assured, we understand Daly can make a mean ham sandwich.
To blame these current cut-backs on the ludicrous $10 million dollar contract we threw at Daly in a desperate bid to keep him at Brookvale would be irresponsible and inflammatory. The fact that our salary cap encompasses one player is irrelevant. We feel that Daly alone is the future of this great club.
The fact that if Daly ever gets the sniffles and has to go to the sick bay would leave Manly without a team to field for the week is irrelevant.
So please welcome and congratulate our new one-man-team, captain, coach, CEO, book-keeper and lunch lady, Daly Cherry-Evans.