The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone for any reason.
Kyrgios: I'd like to thank everyone for coming. I called this press conference to address the cracking sledge I gave Stan Wawrinka yesterday.
ESPN: The entire tennis world has reacted violently to your comment to Wawrinka. Today we heard the news you have been fined $10,000 by tennis Australia. What are your thoughts?
Kyrgios: Well it's a bit of a storm in a tea cup really isn't it? The ten grand doesn't phase me, I'll have that rolling around the bottom of my tennis bag in loose change. I don't know what everyone is getting so bent out of shape about. It's not as if I lied or anything. It was a heat of the moment thing. I could have said something outrageous and really insulting, like "Oi Stan! Lleyton Hewitt rooted your Mum!" But I didn't.
ESPN: Are you even sorry?
Kyrgios: I sure am sorry. I'm sorry I threw my mate Kokkinakis under the bus. I got nothing but mad love for you brother!
Fox Sports: Aren't you the last person who should be giving lip with a hair cut like that?
Kyrgios: Whaddya mean?
Fox Sports: Nick, it looks as though you've been accosted by a weed whacker and pissed on by a rainbow.
Kyrgios: HA! That would have been an even better sledge! Oi Stan! It was actually your missus that GAVE me this haircut! Ha ha ha.
Fox Sports: Seriously though, who cut your hair? Ray Charles?
Kyrgios: Ease up.
Daily Mail: I've seen better hair styles on a pit bull after a dog fight.
Kyrgios: Ok, joke's over.
Channel 7: With a hair cut like that Wawrinka should have been giving you a serve. What were you thinking?
Kyrgios: I've had enough of this! My hair cut is awesome! Up yours!
Nick Kyrgios stands up, gives the attending press the finger and storms off.