NRL 2 years ago

Carney Meets His Lawyers to Discuss Suing the Sharks

  • Carney Meets His Lawyers to Discuss Suing the Sharks

WARNING: The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by any one for any reason at all. 

We have managed to get a transcript of Todd Carney's meeting with his lawyers as they discuss suing the Cronulla Sharks. 

Lawyer 1: Todd, we think you have a great case of unfair dismissal against the Sharks. Sure the infamous "Bubbler" photo was....

Lawyer 2: ...risque...

Lawyer 1:...exactly! But it definitely doesn't constitute a breach of conduct or contract. And even if it did Cronulla, as a responsible business, were legally required to go through certain processes before breaching your contract and firing you, which never occurred. 

Carney: I'm thirsty.

Lawyer 2: How rude of us, please, help yourself. 

There is an unmistakable sound of a pants zipper being undone.  Both lawyers gasp.

Lawyer 1: Todd!! No!! Put it back in your pants! I meant have some water from the jug on the table!

Carney: (zipping up his fly) Ha ha, thanks, that's an even better idea.

Lawyer 2: Ummm....

Lawyer 1: We must be prepared before this thing though. I'm anticipating Cronulla's lawyers to claim that the "bubbler" incident was the last in a long line of anti-social behaviour. So let's re-cap your "rap sheet" as it were. 

Lawyer 2: So you lost your licence for five years in 2007?

Carney: My speedometer was faulty. 

Lawyer 2: You lead the police on a pursuit through Canberra while drunk and then fled the vehicle? 

Carney: Big misunderstanding. 

Lawyer 2: You urinated on someone in a pub?

Carney: I thought his pants were on fire. 

Lawyer 2: You vandalized a car?

Carney: The car started it!

Lawyer 2: You set a man on fire?

Carney: Spontaneous combustion.

Lawyer 2: Caught drink driving?

Carney: I wasn't drunk I'd just used mouth wash.

Lawyer 1: On second thought maybe we should abandon this case. They would crucify us if they tried to prove that you were of unsavory reputation. 

Lawyer 2: Agreed. We officially withdraw ourselves from this case. 

Carney: I'm still thirsty....(clear sound of a fly being unzipped again)

 

0 0
please wait...