WARNING: The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by any one for any reason at all.
We have managed to get a transcript of Todd Carney's meeting with his lawyers as they discuss suing the Cronulla Sharks.
Lawyer 1: Todd, we think you have a great case of unfair dismissal against the Sharks. Sure the infamous "Bubbler" photo was....
Lawyer 2: ...risque...
Lawyer 1:...exactly! But it definitely doesn't constitute a breach of conduct or contract. And even if it did Cronulla, as a responsible business, were legally required to go through certain processes before breaching your contract and firing you, which never occurred.
Carney: I'm thirsty.
Lawyer 2: How rude of us, please, help yourself.
There is an unmistakable sound of a pants zipper being undone. Both lawyers gasp.
Lawyer 1: Todd!! No!! Put it back in your pants! I meant have some water from the jug on the table!
Carney: (zipping up his fly) Ha ha, thanks, that's an even better idea.
Lawyer 2: Ummm....
Lawyer 1: We must be prepared before this thing though. I'm anticipating Cronulla's lawyers to claim that the "bubbler" incident was the last in a long line of anti-social behaviour. So let's re-cap your "rap sheet" as it were.
Lawyer 2: So you lost your licence for five years in 2007?
Carney: My speedometer was faulty.
Lawyer 2: You lead the police on a pursuit through Canberra while drunk and then fled the vehicle?
Carney: Big misunderstanding.
Lawyer 2: You urinated on someone in a pub?
Carney: I thought his pants were on fire.
Lawyer 2: You vandalized a car?
Carney: The car started it!
Lawyer 2: You set a man on fire?
Carney: Spontaneous combustion.
Lawyer 2: Caught drink driving?
Carney: I wasn't drunk I'd just used mouth wash.
Lawyer 1: On second thought maybe we should abandon this case. They would crucify us if they tried to prove that you were of unsavory reputation.
Lawyer 2: Agreed. We officially withdraw ourselves from this case.
Carney: I'm still thirsty....(clear sound of a fly being unzipped again)