Warning: The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone for any reason whatsoever.
Some dark and grainy footage has been aired by A Current Affair last night. It allegedly shows former Essendon and new St Kilda recruit Jake Carlisle snorting lines of a mystery "white powder". In light of this footage, Carlisle has released a statement.
I want to apologise to the wider AFL community for having to endure an A Current Affair story. In my opinion, anything worth knowing is NOT shown on A Current Affair. I take this footage with a grain of "salt", or to be precise, a "line" of salt.
I don't really see what the big deal is anyway. Ok, so I may, or may not, be racking up a line of cocaine, but come on! I spent five years at Essendon for Christ's sake! I think we're making a mountain out of a mole-hill here. What's a little blow in comparison to one of Hirdys "vitamin supplement cocktails"?! They're lucky I wasn't mixing peptides with anabolic steroids! I needed the blow to come down from all the performance enhancers they had me on over the years.
Anyway, I'm truly sorry if I have upset or disappointed anyone.
I hope my story stands as a cautionary tale to all kids out there: Snapchat isn't fool proof! And don't believe the hype, what happens in Vegas clearly doesn't stay in Vegas.
All I can say is I'm glad this footage was released AFTER I signed with St Kilda. Talk about dumb luck.