WARNING: The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously or at least two hours after swimming.
Australian NRL Star Josh Dugan has announced he would love to follow in the foot-steps of NFL convert Jarryd Hayne. Dugan's manager has organised for Dugan to meet with NFL CEO Roger Goodell to plead his case to make the switch.
The following is a recording of that meeting.
Goodell: Hi Jarryd nice to meet you.
Dugan: Ahh, it's Josh. Josh Dugan actually sir.
Goodell: Sorry, sorry. All you Aussies look and sound alike. Please, take a seat John.
Dugan: It's Josh.
Goodell: Yeah right, sorry. So the boys tell me you're interested in making the switch to our great game over here in the States.
Dugan: Yes sir, I think I have the skill set at my disposal to really go places in the NFL. I'm such a big fan of Ray Lewis and the Baltimore Ravens. I even have a tattoo of Ray Lewis on my leg.
Goodell: Yep, yep. So I'm guessing you've achieved all there is to achieve in Australia and the NRL and are looking for a new challenge like Jarryd was?
Goodell: You've won a Super Bowl?
Dugan: We call it the Grand Final sir.
Goodell: Right, right. So you've won a Grand Final?
Goodell: And I remember Jarryd telling me about State of Origin too how that's a pretty big thing: you've won one of those?
Dugan: I've won a game or two.
Goodell: A whole series?
Goodell: And MVP medal Jarryd won....the....ah....Dally M medal, you've got one of those?
Goodell: Well Jack...
Goodell: Well Josh, I'm struggling to see why you think you would be a good fit for the NFL. Even your off-field incidents are unspectacular. We had Michael Vick running a dog fighting ring. Ray Rice knocked out his wife. Even the guy in your leg tattoo, Ray Lewis, was accused of stabbing two men to death. To the best of my knowledge you've been in trouble for drinking a Bacardi Breezer and making some mean comments on Instagram. Not exactly NFL quality is it?
Dugan: But I'm just as good as Jarryd Hayne!
Goodell: No John, you're not.
Dugan: My name's still Josh actually....