WARNING: The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone for any reason at all.
The South Sydney Rabbitohs announced their coup signing of luring dual international Sam Burgess back to Redfern on a reported $1.5 million a season today. Sam sat down with The Stitch Up to talk about his future and what he's missed in the NRL during the past year.
Stitch Up: Sam, we're tickled pink to have you coming back to the NRL. What was it that drew you back? Your love for the Bunnies? Your passion for Rugby League? The fact you didn't quite fit in Union?
Burgess: $1.5 million quid a season! That's what brought me back! So bring me up to date on what I've missed. I heard Jarryd Hayne switched codes? What? AFL? Rugby? If so, tell him it's not as easy as Izzy makes it look.
SU: No Hayne went to the NFL in America.
Burgess breaks into hysterical laughter.
Burgess: Sorry. Next you'll be telling me Josh Dugan wants to make it in the NFL too!
SU: Funny you should mention that, Dugan's actually telling all and sundry he wants to go to the NFL as well.
Burgess breaks into hysterics again. This time he is laughing so hard he is crying and actually falls off his seat.
Burgess: Sorry, sorry. Oh, that's hilarious. Are the Titans still in financial trouble?
SU: They sure are. The Eels are in all sorts of financial strife too. Why do you ask? You're not thinking of playing other teams off against the Bunnies in a bidding war are you?
Burgess: No, no, not at all. I'm quite happy with $1.5 million a season. I was just thinking I might buy the Titans with my first week's salary. Would that constitute a conflict of interest though? Playing for one team but owning another?
SU: I'm not sure Sam. You'd have to ask one of the higher ups in the NRL.
Burgess: What, like Dave Smith?
SU: No, Smith quit as CEO of the NRL. Geoff Toovey actually wants the position.
Again, Burgess falls off his chair laughing.
Burgess: What's he going to do if he doesn't get the job? Call for an investigation? HA!
SU: How will it feel reuniting with all your team mates? What's the first thing you're going to do?
Burgess: Hide the Panadol from Dylan Walker and Aaron Gray.