WARNING: The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously.
After revelations today that the Blues are set to announce a loss of up to $2 million for the year, Steven Trigg, Carlton CEO, has resorted to desperate measures in a bid to secure some quick cash and save the club from bankruptcy. What follows are a list of items Trigg has placed on Ebay.
1995 Premiership Trophy and Flag: This is a genuine AFL Premiership Trophy and Flag that the Blues won in 1995. This would be great for a club who hasn't got a hope in hell of winning a Premiership under their own steam. Should interest clubs like GWS Giants, Gold Coast Suns and the Melbourne Demons. Starting bid: $10,000
Mick Malthouse' Letter of Resignation: Up for an entertaining read? This 15 page diatribe/manifesto was Malthouse' attempt to quit before he was fired, even though he submitted the bloody thing a week after we fired him. In it he blames Carlton fans, Eddie McGuire, Nathan Buckley and makes wild claims like he invented the Sherrin and is the biological father of both Chris Judd and Dale Thomas.
Starting bid: $2,000
Brendan Fevola's 2009 Coleman Medal: This is a genuine Coleman medal. How do we have it, you may ask. Fevola and I hit the turps one night and he bet me this medal that he could pee on the roof: needless to say the medal is now mine. After he gave me the medal I had Fev frog-marched out of the bar for being a nuisance. Lol!
Starting bid: $5,000
Matt Kreuzer: We couldn't give big Matty away during the trade period. The reason most clubs gave him a wide berth is because he has so many injuries and nuts and bolts. But we are re-branding him here and willing to sell him to a company like Robocop's Omni Consumer Group. He has so much metal in him already it wouldn't take much more to make a Robocop prototype. Or a Skynet type company too with cyborg aspirations?
Starting bid: $20,000