Football 3 years ago

"We Will Not Negotiate With Terrorists": FFA

  • "We Will Not Negotiate With Terrorists": FFA

The following is a Stitch Up. 

Following last week's mid-game walk-outs from Melbourne Victory and Western Sydney Wanderers fans, the FFA has come out swinging, adopting a George W. Bush-esque stance on the protesters. Here FFA CEO David Gallop and FFA Chairman Steve Lowy explain their attitude toward the planned protests for this weekend. 

Gallop: We at the FFA are sympathetic to the needs of our adoring fans but we have standards and expect complete submission from our crowds. Any yahoo found to be lighting flares or poking out their tongue are dangerous outlaws. Last week's A-League games spiralled into farce thanks to a horde of sympathisers walking out mid-match, but we will not be held to ransom by a gang of urban terrorists. 

Lowy: That's right! These agitators will be hunted down by a newly formed arm of the FFA, called Storm Troopers, and sent to a detention camp we have established north of Brisbane. 

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Gallop: Deception Bay Detention Camp.

Lowy: That's right, to ensure that this week's matches go off without a hitch, we have issued the Storm Troopers with orders to shoot on sight anyone seen to rise from their seat. We will not suffer another walk out. If you pay for your seat you will watch the entire game. There will be no excuse to leave your seat. 

Gallop: But rest assured, we have learnt from last week's act of urban terrorism. We have set up an appeals process for excluded A-League fans. 

Lowy: An FFA hearing behind closed doors at Deception Day detention camp. 

Gallop: So be on notice soccer fans of Australia. The FFA will not negotiate with terrorists. Any attempted mass walk-out will be met with swift punishment and instant bans from future A-League games. 

Lowy: Exactly. 

Gallop: And on a side note, I don't know what all the fuss is about anyway. When I was boss of the NRL we banned people just because they were Bulldogs fans and charged so much for snacks at games that you needed to come armed with a mortgage just to get a Coke and meat pie. Grow up soccer fans. It could always be worse. You could be a Canterbury Bulldogs fan. 

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