The following is a Stitch Up.
Brad Scott was furious yesterday after it was announced that Mal Meninga had been named coach of the Kangaroos. Clearly Scott thought he had been sand bagged and had his job taken away from under him and didn't realise Meninga had been named coach of the NRL national squad, also named the Kangaroos.
In his anger and confusion, Scott made a string of phone calls. Here are those calls. First he called his twin brother and Geelong coach Chris Scott.
Brad: Have you seen the news? I think they've fired me! Except no one at the club has the guts to actually tell me!!
Chris: What are you on about?
Brad: It's all over Fox Sports! Some bloke called Mal Meninga has been hired as the new Kangaroos coach.
Chris: Who the hell is Mal Meninga?
Brad: Some NRL big shot.
Chris: Why would James Brayshaw go behind your back and replace you with some NRL doofus?
Brad: Who knows? I just can't believe it, you know? All this after Majak was cleared too. I had big plans for Majak next year.
Chris: What do you mean magic was cleared? We can use magic in the AFL now? This is great. Does anyone else know about your implementation of magic?
Brad: What? No. I'm not saying magic I'm talking about Majak D....
Chris: We will be unstoppable with Bartel, the Selwood brothers and Dangerfield harnessing the power of magic! I'm going to hire David Copperfield as a consultant and Cosentino too.
Brad: Chris, I think you're confused....
Chris: Gotta go mate, chin up.
Next Brad Scott called North Melbourne Kangaroos chairman James Brayshaw.
Scott: Brayshaw you mongrel, how dare you sand bag me and install Mal Meninga as the new coach of the Roos?
Brayshaw: What? Who is this? Brad? Are you drunk?
Scott: I've taken the Roos to back-to-back preliminary finals. What more do you want from me James?!
Brayshaw: Listen Brad, I don't know what you're on about. Sleep it off mate. I've got to practice for the cricket commentary. Mark Nicholas runs a bloody tight ship. We have aerobics in five minutes then we have to pronounce all the West Indies' names.
Brad Scott, after hours of Googling, happened across Mal Meninga's number.
Meninga: You on the cel' with Mal.
Scott: Mal, it's the man you've been hired to replace here....
Meninga: Tim Sheens? Is that you? Listen I thought there were no hard feelings mate.
Scott: No, it's Brad Scott here.
Scott: Wow, that cuts deep, you poach my job and don't even know my name. You're scum Mal Meninga. Absolute scum.
Meninga: Is this a gee up or what?
Scott: Well I hope you're happy. Yesterday I had a new contract until 2018, today you have a contract until 2019. I have no job now thanks to you.
Meninga: Did you say this is Brad Scott?
Scott: Ahhh, so you "remember" me now, aye?
Meninga: Mate, I've been inducted as coach of the NRL national side, called the Australian Kangaroos. You still have a job at North Melbourne mate. I am not coaching the North Melbourne Kangaroos.
Meninga: Really really.
Scott: Can I ask you one more question Mal?
Meninga: Sure mate.
Scott: Do you know how to stop the mail? I only ask because I may or may not have taken a dump in a box and sent it Express Post to James Brayshaw....