The following is a Stitch Up.
In one way, shape or form, South Sydney have found themselves at the centre of countless rumours and conspiracy theories since the final whistle blew on their 2015 season. Coach Michael Maguire thought he would ease the general feeling of tension among South Sydney members by penning an open letter.
Dear Beloved Member,
I'm aware that the Mighty Bunnies have recently fallen victim to a renegade sect of the media who have been consistently churning out absolute swill and fabricating stories to make this great club look like we're a great big bunch of nut bags.
The last couple of days have seen stories declaring that Adam Reynolds has asked for an immediate release to join the Titans and that GI is leaving us next year to join the Broncos. Now let's all just calm down. Let's not get hysterical and let's think about this logically.
Reynolds to the Gold Coast? Really? This story might be a bit worrying if Reynolds were allegedly on his way to any other club. But the Gold Coast? HA! Don't make me laugh bitterly. The only positive thing the Gold Coast has going for them is their player's recreational drug tests. What a joke.
And Inglis to Brisbane? Yeah, I remember hearing something about this in 2011, right? Didn't turn out too good for the Broncs then either, did it? Ha ha ha!
Yes, we are releasing Dylan Walker. You can't have a bloke around that you can't trust with a packet of Panadol and a few Berocca's. Good thing he's not on his way to the Gold Coast, it'd be the death of him down there if he got in contact with Greg Bird and Karmichael Hunt...
I know it may seem strange, offloading Isaac Luke, Dylan Walker, Chris McQueen, Glenn Stewart and letting Tom Burgress try-out for the NFL. But who needs those plonkers when we have Big Sam returning? We will be the first team in the comp to have a one man second row.
On a side note: I couldn't give a rat's arse if Tom Burgess is snaffled up by the NFL. That's the great thing about twins, there's always a back up and George is the better twin anyway, so we're just winning all around on that front.
And those persistent whispers that we're in the hunt for James Roberts? If you believe that then I've got some great ocean front property in Alice Springs to sell you.
We only just freed up enough cash for Big Sam - I had to raid the kids' piggy banks - and you think we've got a lazy $400K lying around for a bloke we've already given the arse to once before?
In summary, don't believe everything you hear.