The following is a Stitch Up.
After being a laughing stock for the last two Super Rugby seasons, the Queensland Reds new roster boasts an eclectic mix of players: ex rugby league player Eto Nabuli, ex AFL player and cocaine baron Karmichael Hunt, a Tongan Thor and now Japanese star fullback Ayumu Goromaru has been made a Ninja Master. With the announcement that warhorse Stephen Moore is returning to Ballymore next season a lot of other clubs have expressed concerns that the Reds are cheating by creating their own Suicide Squad, enlisting a cocaine kingpin, a Tongan Thunder God and a ninja.
SANZAR has released a statement on future signings.
SANZAR is aware of concerns that the Queensland Reds may be overstepping their boundaries by enlisting the help, in particular, of a Ninja Master, Ayumu Goromaru, and a Tongan Thunder God, Taniela Tupou.
This mixed with cocaine baron Karmichael Hunt, several ex-rugby league players and a WWE pro-wrestler in Jake "The Snake" McIntyre has caused alarm bells.
Some are afraid the Reds are forming a Justice League, Suicide Squad or even their own Avengers instead of a bona fide Super Rugby team.
We at SANZAR have decided to step in. From here on no team will be allowed to sign mythical Gods, trained assassins, cartel members, crime lords or any sort of super hero OR super villain. If a player you are looking at has gained extra abilities due to a laboratory experiment gone awry, they cannot be signed. We implement this new rule ahead of rumours that the ACT Brumbies are in negotiations with a Viking King, the Japanese Sunwolves have enlisted several Yakuza members to their squad and that the Johannesburg Lions have secretly signed Dr. Octopus.
We look forward to an exciting 2016 Super Rugby season.