The following is a Stitch Up.
For some inexplicable reason, the Canterbury Bulldogs board have held a meeting to discuss Des Hasler's future at the club, despite him taking the Bulldogs to the finals each year of his tenure as well as two Grand Final's. CEO Raelene Castle, Chairman George Peponis, Vice Chairman Arthur Coorey and OAM Steve Mortimer met to discuss the coach's future.
Castle: Gentlemen, thank you for coming. I think the situation speaks for itself really: Des Hasler's success is clearly not in line with our Dogs of War mentality.
Mortimer: I would rather take a dump in my hands and clap than offer this Hasler has-been a two year contract extension!
Peponis: What are we saying?! We have made the finals every year since Hasler arrived.
Castle: That may be so, but how many Grand Final's have we won?
Mortimer: None! Zero! Zip! Bupkiss! Sweet "F" all! That's how many!
Peponis: But we've made it to two Grand Finals. There's an old saying you know: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
Mortimer: Well it's not good enough. They looked like a drunken rabble not playing as a team, but playing as individuals in that final's loss to Penrith.
Peponis: What do you expect? We have a team full of certifiable lunatics. The fact Josh Reynolds and Klemmer haven't killed anyone on the field yet is the greatest testament to Des as a coach and leader. James Graham literally tried to bite Billy Slater's ear off - in a GRAND FINAL. Have we forgotten that. And Des has taken this gang of criminally insane weirdos and lead them to the finals for five straight years.
Castle: I have to agree with Arthur, I think we have to let Des go.
Mortimer: Going into 2017 with Des Hasler as coach is like a one legged man entering an arse kicking competition: useless.
Peponis: I can't believe I'm hearing this.
Castle: So we're unanimous? Hasler's gone.
Peponis: No, we are not unanimous.
Castle: Unanimous it is!
Peponis gets up and storms out of the board room.