AFL 2 years ago

Clarko's Open Letter to Hawthorn Fans

  • Clarko's Open Letter to Hawthorn Fans

    MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - SEPTEMBER 16: Alastair Clarkson, Senior Coach of the Hawks looks on during the 2016 AFL Second Semi Final match between the Hawthorn Hawks and the Western Bulldogs at the Melbourne Cricket Ground on September 16, 2016 in Melbourne, Australia. (Photo by Michael Willson/AFL Media/Getty Images)

Dear Fans,

I know a number of our trades during this period may seem dumb, weird, perplexing and down right maddening. But rest assured, we know what we're doing! It's all part of our grand scheme to rule the world...I mean, win the 2017 Premiership.

The likes of Sam Mitchell, Brad Hill and Jordan Lewis were all dead weight, and we as a club are glad to have cut them from out list like the festering, rancid growths they really were. Those wretches were holding us back, I swear to God!

Be thankful we didn't accept Bruce McAvaney's bid for Cyril Rioli. McAvaney offered us a MyKi card and a $50 gift voucher at BWS. We were close to accepting those terms but Rioli kicked up a stink at the "sex slave" clause in McAvaney's contract proposal.

I know it may seem odd that we have cut three Premiership players, but we have brought in massive talent in their stead. Ty Vickery has led the Tigers to first round failures in the finals twice! We have also brought in Tom Mitchell, substituting one Mitchell for another.

Then there's Jaeger O'Meara: our bright burning star. Sadly Jaeger has already been ruled out of 2017 with a season ending injury, apparently he is so delicate that I shattered every bone in his hand when I met him and shook it.

Worry not Hawks fans: this is all part of a rich tapestry.

Much love,

Alastair Clarkson.

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