The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone for any reason at all.
To the Fans,
As I'm sure you are all aware I have returned a positive drug test for an anabolic steroid. That's right fellow Novacastrians, I've been juicing harder than Golden Circle.
I know, many of you must be thinking I would be the last person in the league to be on the gear. How could I be, you may ask yourself: I haven't exhibited any extraordinary physical prowess. Well imagine how abysmal I would have been if I WASN'T juicing.
I have been our best player for years now. I carried us through the dark days of Bennett and his demented little protégé, Darius Boyd. I thought I would also have to carry us through Nathan Brown's limp wristed hold over the club.
What else could I do to shoulder this burden? The weight of the world was on my shoulders, how else could I carry the load without steroids?
Joey Johns has been the first to express his disappointment in me. He always told me, it's not a crime unless you get caught. As usual, the great man was right.
The bookies already had the Knights as favourites to take out the wooden spoon. With me out of action I fear we may not even be eligible for a disposable plastic spoon.
I am truly sorry. I wish I never got caught.