The following is a Stitch Up and shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone for any reason whatsoever.
This a leaked transcript of a phone call between new West's Tigers coach Ivan Cleary and West's Tigers CEO Justin Pascoe on Friday morning.
Cleary: Hi Justin mate, I'm just calling because, well, I'm sitting down with my croissant and coffee reading the Daily Telegraph.
Pascoe: That's fantastic. Such a quaint breakfast.
Cleary: Yeah I'm not calling to boast about my brekkie mate. What I'm saying is the Telegraph says Woods and Tedesco have signed with the Bulldogs and the Roosters. They reckon it's a done deal. Is this true? Have you heard anything about this?
Pascoe: Well that's outrageous.
Cleary: So it's just a media beat up?
Pascoe: Who knows? It's probably true. We'll withdraw our offers to them anyway. That'll teach them a lesson!
Cleary: So you've managed to let three quarters of your "Big Four" get away? And the only one you retained is Luke Brooks? The absolute smallest and most useless quarter of that "Big Four."
Pascoe: That's right. But we have big plans for our new marquee signing: Chris McQueen.
Cleary: Oh yeah?
Pascoe: Yep, a roaming fullback/half/backrower/prop.
Cleary: But he's just one bloke. He can't cover four positions.
Pascoe: Not with that attitude Ivan.
Cleary: Look, are we at least in talks with anyone else? Are we chasing anyone to join the club next year?
Pascoe: Yes actually. We heard - and keep this dark mind you - that Jack Bird, from Cronulla, is off contract next year.
Cleary: You're kidding.
Pascoe: No, no. We're thinking of giving his manager a call next week. What do you think of that?
Cleary: Bird just signed with Brisbane.
Pascoe: Damnit! Gee whiz, you gotta be quick these days, am I right?
Cleary: Look, how long was the cooling off period of my contract? Can I annul mine? Can I quit?
Pascoe: No sorry Ivan, you're locked up tight.
Pascoe: Do you think Robbie Farah would want to come back...?